A Different Dialect of Being
There’s something incredibly vulnerable about talking about a speech impediment. It's a part of your everyday interaction with the world, constantly "on display," and often feels like a glaring spotlight on a flaw (rather than being seen for its beauty and value). For me, that "glaring spotlight" has been my lisp, a subtle twist in my speech that’s been with me for as long as I can remember and always made me acutely aware of my differences in conversation with other people. In the past, this has often brought feelings of insecurity and shame - that I have this "broken" form of articulation, and that everyone I speak with was subtly judging my ability to make clear the messages I wanted to share. It became just another way that the world showed me I "didn't fit in" to standard metrics or measures for what a person should sound like (not that "should" or "perfect" is anywhere in what I'm trying to do now, anyway!)
But after all the explorations and discoveries of my inner world that you all have been experiencing alongside of me through the newsletters (particularly as that lens now also touches how technology will interact with that inner world), that perception of myself with the speech impediment has slowly shifted and transformed. It's started to change from "that limiting aspect of my physical experience" into a symbol of my beautiful, messy, but incredibly effective, neurodivergence. I believe that all experiences, including limitations, carry unique benefits that we just haven't had time to see. So this isn’t about pretending there isn't a “difference.” In a very real and literal way, I speak differently. I want to lean into what the beauty and the deeper intention of that might also represent, in this specific physical trait that is seemingly so limiting for typical human interaction. I’d go as far as to propose, that this "glitch" in my otherwise "standard issue hardware", was and is intentional: a subtle signal that my perspective on the world is one that is, indeed, a little different. And maybe there’s a larger, “divinely intentional”, purpose for that signal to exist.
The Skewed Mirror: Communication Beyond the Norm
For most of my life, I've tried to “correct” this lisp – the way certain sounds trip off my tongue just a bit differently than most others. I’ve tried speech therapy, practice, and a lot of conscious effort to mask that quirk of articulation from the rest of the world, but these systems are not something that is fixed, and more specifically are, inherently me. Over time, I came to realize that the struggle was just another manifestation of the mask: to show myself as something I was not as a way to better fit in.
In a more vulnerable light, there’s another truth that my neurodivergence is bringing into clear focus. As a neurodivergent individual (and very likely someone on the autism spectrum), I don't always think or process things the same way as others, especially those who have more neurotypical traits. As my systems framework has already begun to display (in the work I've been sharing through my other posts), my understanding and navigation of life operates under different rules than most. I have often thought, felt, and reacted in ways that others did not. So if that aspect of my understanding is not something that’s always in sync with others, why would my verbal communication be any different? There seems to be a deeper and unique purpose to these "differences." Maybe I'm thinking about that wrong, as well, and am simply looking at all this data, to better serve what might be a different interpretation on “normal.”
Perhaps my lisp is, therefore, less of an impediment and more of a kind of "evolutionary hack," or what we can often see through many complex systems, including even “nature” - all seemingly operating with chaos but only in a way we don't yet understand. Through this view:
A Physical Manifestation of Divergence: Maybe, a lisp (or other "speech" anomaly), can also be an indication that someone also may not think, feel, or process information in a more linear way. Maybe our internal "hardware" is just manifesting into a physical trait to make other people (and even ourselves) aware that it doesn’t align with all others, not because of some limitation, but because of something new and different that may have very specific needs, strengths, challenges, and unique approaches that also deserve as much (if not more) value and intention as the structures we've put together.
A Subtle Signal: Is the subtle shift in my words trying to subtly nudge those around me to pay extra attention to what I have to say, so that the messages I deliver aren't just what my words seem to be, but from a "deeper, truer, perspective" too? Is it some intentional message to see the parts of me that might not easily make sense? And is this for their benefit or mine, in what we learn from each other when something “does not make sense”?
A Call to Patience and Understanding: Perhaps my slight "delay" when forming certain words is actually a call to those I am communicating with to slow down just a little bit, to consider more than what is at face value, to think twice before making assumptions, and listen with true intentionality for both what I say and, even deeper, what I intend to share. Maybe all "differences," like this, offer us that same opportunity. Is it all more intentional than the random happenstances we often assume?
As I've spent these last few months digging deep into my operating system, it made me look back with a renewed perspective. Could all of this - the good and the "not so good", the "perfect" and the limitations that I face, that I've always struggled with - really have a very valid purpose for my life, a purpose I never even conceived when I tried to make myself fit the mold?
Beyond the Self-Conscious: Embracing The Gift
I know for some this might sound a bit too "out there," but please stick with me as this idea begins to form. As someone who believes in God, I find it difficult to believe that any part of me, including all that challenges me, is an accident or flaw. Perhaps my differences, and your differences too, all exist because they are the path through which we are supposed to contribute to this world. The parts that often feel “broken,” or "not ideal,” can become a tool to shift perceptions and assumptions if only we decide to start perceiving it as such:
The Intention Behind the "Limitations:" In my exploration of spirituality and my unique path as a neurodivergent, and more and more specifically for all those "less desirable" parts of my journey, I’m recognizing the purposefulness within my challenges; that even what feels limiting may just be the guide toward something new, as long as I’m looking in the right direction. That, to me, might mean changing how and where I direct my focus.
Evolutionary Purpose: These differences (that make people like me a little different) aren’t, perhaps, deviations of human “perfection", but the subtle and very specific "evolutionary changes" that we so often take for granted. They are all unique and powerful in specific ways, and could be pushing us toward new methods of learning, problem solving, creating relationships and also creating a life beyond limitations. As though we’re supposed to look into “what went wrong” and find the gift that was always there all along, waiting for the right moment to appear.
Our Call to Introspection: Each time we meet a difference or have to navigate systems, we may start to tap into a new set of skills and abilities that are both important and needed in the larger world – just as I'm now, today, showing the value I've discovered with my path with AI. There's the "system" but there's also the self within it.
I don't yet know the true extent or value of what I’m experiencing (and, likewise, if you are resonating with that as well, based on your unique experiences), but I think there's a huge point in this very real, authentic moment that’s worthy of an open exploration. This approach, for all people, is something that is both useful and also valuable for that more meaningful life where the individual can be authentically and intentionally present.
From Self-Consciousness to Self-Celebration
As I embark on the development and launch of "AIs and Shine," I now see that it's not about building a "system that can make everything fit", but rather, as that one particular phrase of my mission so clearly stated: a system that celebrates all parts of you so that you can find, and become, who you were always intended to be - limitations and all. I’m embracing all parts of who I am—my strengths, my weaknesses, my quirks, even my lisp – as unique and essential parts of a larger story and unique journey that I was always destined to fulfill and that you may, too, now discover you might have as well.
In the end, I hope you see, as I do, that your imperfections – what the world might see as “flaws,” - can become the exact point from which you find the beauty that might change that perception to “essential”. We don’t yet see those gifts, that value and purpose, until we slow down and really pay attention. Even something seemingly inconsequential like a lisp can hold profound and unintended wisdom that can lead you (and I) down unique paths.
So what parts of yourself are you ready to embrace today that have previously held you back, what parts are you willing to see in a brand new light, and how does this change your next steps, and what direction it might now lead? I'd love to hear from you as you, too, discover the true power in who you are.