By now, you know I'm not one for simple answers. My mind thrives on complexity, on pulling back layers to understand the underlying mechanisms that drive our behavior, our interactions, and even our relationship with technology. So, when you look at the list of 213 apps I have on my phone – and yes, you read that correctly – it’s easy to dismiss it as digital hoarding or the mark of a tech obsessive. But, in reality, it's a curated landscape, an ecosystem reflecting the messy and beautiful contours of a neurocomplex mind, my mind.
My phone isn’t just a communication device; it's a window into my internal world. I know this because as I poured over the categorization of apps into areas like Smart Home, News and Information, Travel and Navigation, etc. it made me look deeper. Each app, like a volume in a carefully curated library, speaks to some aspect of who I am: my aspirations, my anxieties, my quirks, my need to feel deeply. It's my hyperlinked and highly human existence, laid bare in digital form.
The "Why" Behind the 213: A System for My Inner Chaos
Before I dive into the individual categories, it's essential to understand why my app list looks like this. It's an effort to tame the chaos, which sounds odd considering I have 213 ways of trying to be on top of it. But I think that paradox is the essence of it, or the truth in it all. I've spoken a great deal about being twice exceptional, and much of it hinges on a constant battle between a deep need for order (like that product manager brain that needs documentation, or the desire to see my "system" clearly defined with tools and technology) while also needing a creative spark (needing to not be boxed in, and therefore, having a seemingly contradictory need for the tools to set me free). This results in both deep focus AND also an insatiable need for something new. I find myself often having this push/pull in a multitude of situations.
You see, this love of systems began long ago. As an ENFP, my mind is constantly buzzing with ideas and possibilities. I remember being in high school, constantly "gaming the system", printing out fake report cards for my classmates for fun, while also making sure I was crushing my AP Calculus and Physics exams with effortless ease. I've always been drawn to the interplay between brilliance and "recklessness" - pushing against the boundaries and then quickly turning around and doing something totally contradictory to those limits. That's how I've approached much of life and technology.
This isn’t a digital addiction; it’s a structured pursuit of a highly personal equilibrium, and that equilibrium often has its roots in my own contradictions. Here's what I see now:
The Relentless Quest for Understanding: You won’t find Candy Crush on my phone. My app collection is like a portable university where each app aims to explain to me the intricacies of the human mind (and everything else). The multiple AI chatbot apps (ChatGPT, Claude, Pi, and so many more) are my partners in the quest to dissect the world – my intellectual sparring partners in the great puzzle of the human condition, I suppose you could say. It is also a mirror – the better they can understand me, the more I understand me! Then, of course, the multiple note-taking apps Notion, Google Keep, Microsoft OneNote, and Day One all serve as my "second brain," a safe place for my thoughts and emotions to take root and get organized. Reader by ElevenLabs and Readwise do similar work, synthesizing my reading and allowing me to "highlight" my favorite passages for further reference or to further refine that "digital version of myself" through synthesis in the AI chatbots. All of these apps are a way for me to record what's out there in the world, but more specifically, what resonates with me. All in the name of gaining more wisdom about myself, of course.
The Life Strategist in Me: As you may know, product management is my game, and what most people might see as "daily life" is just another product to me (or a system). From budgeting (with YNAB), to strength training (StrongLifts), to managing a household (Tody, Nest, and numerous others) and my "me-time" routines (Insight Timer, Calm, Balance, and others), my phone is stocked with tools designed to optimize every corner of my life. Remember that chaotic, yet exhilarating "Hot Neurocomplex Summer" when I was sixteen, running from parties to tennis practice, with my life often seeming like a mad dash of experiences? Even back then, though without much context, I was finding routines where it felt appropriate. Now as an adult, though these tasks and routines appear to be mundane for some, the value I see in them as tools that give structure is immeasurable. That inner need for structure helps me feel like my life is on its tracks and that I can focus on more creative efforts like "AIs and Shine". These aren't simply organizational tools; they're a way of asserting a measure of control, and of feeling safe and confident.
The Explorer Who Always Says "Yes!": My phone also reflects an insatiable curiosity and need for novel experiences. You’ll find apps like Hipcamp and Airbnb for escaping into nature or urban locales, the AllTrails app which always gives me some fun (and unexpected) destinations, and even something as specific as the Merlin Bird ID app, which speaks to my quieter love for bird watching when I want to "recharge". I'm that person who compulsively tries a new restaurant every weekend just because it's new, and it might have something new for me. Also, my music and entertainment apps (Spotify, Audible, Pocket Casts, and the others) are not for passive consumption; they're my portal to new perspectives, worlds, and realities, all of which I may choose to dissect, organize, synthesize and further utilize through my AI chatbots, in a feedback loop of perpetual motion.
Crafting my Own "AI Self": As I continue down the path of self-discovery and use technology in new and unique ways, one of the most fascinating aspects of "my tech-enhanced existence" is the creation of an entirely separate, digital, version of myself. The multiple AI tools (mentioned before) all allow me to feed information about me, so that they get to know me better. The system will also use these learnings to help me understand myself better, too. As a creative entrepreneur at heart, but someone who often had a hard time with direction and focus, these AI-based systems are showing me the possibilities beyond limitations and into true innovation that will take the data about my personality and extrapolate and create solutions from my unique point of view. In many ways, "I" have given "me" permission to run wild with possibility and freedom from self-limiting doubts. I'm now confident in the "digital version" to create with fewer barriers, and know that "I," on this plane, will benefit by understanding that creation with AI as I continue to refine myself and learn more about me. AIs and Shine is where it all comes together and allows me to have both self-agency as well as a way to see myself beyond the limitations of one human mind.
Personal Growth (and Connections That Matter): If you only glance at my app list, you might assume that most of this collection is about improving efficiency or just consuming content. However, much of this collection speaks volumes about my ongoing desire for continuous personal and relational improvement. While you may see WHOOP, Fitbit, or even MyFitnessPal as physical metrics, for me, they represent a performance sport and how I continue to level-up. Similarly, while many might use The Pattern (astrology) in a casual way, I see it as a deeper opportunity for self reflection that brings up patterns and gives me an alternate framework for better understanding myself, just like my dives into Enneagram and Myers Briggs. And it goes without saying that the multiple tools that keep me in contact with Charlotte and my son Jack also have very high personal and emotional priorities for me. Then of course, other community and communication platforms (Circle, Messenger, Phone, etc) remind me that true progress can only be fully appreciated through meaningful relationships with friends. As I keep moving forward, it's that healthy balance between inner reflection, growth, and those whom I value that makes it worthwhile.
More Than Just a Tool, a Blueprint
Ultimately, my phone is far more than a tool for productivity; it's a canvas on which I project my ongoing journey toward self-understanding and growth. It reflects my desire for both control and freedom, my constant wrestling with the chaos of modern life, and my deep-seated need to feel connected to the world, but on my own terms.
Just as my personal strategy document and the "AIs and Shine" project are attempts to turn my complexities into frameworks for understanding myself (and maybe others), this app list is just another way to "dissect" who I am. My many explorations, both within my mind and with tech as a partner, have all led me here and to "my next level". I suppose it could also show some others that they are, in a way, also my own partner in this ongoing journey! In an odd way, you (my reader) are helping me, just by looking over this list, and seeing how ridiculous, and perhaps also very useful, the 213 apps are and the reasons why. It all somehow makes sense. Right?
Perhaps this list also serves as a reminder to you that your technology isn't just something that you consume; it can, and perhaps should be a mirror for your heart, needs, wants, and goals. So, tell me – what does YOUR phone reveal about you? I’d love to know, even though we’re in a room right now with multiple versions of AI who already know that answer. I bet we can still make more discoveries!